We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize