shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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