Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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