Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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