And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
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I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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