drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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