He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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