And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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