Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.

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(724): Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions. http://tfl.nu/lnut

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.

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(609): I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick. http://tfl.nu/i44q

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(913): View more from Kansas

Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'

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(913): Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered' http://tfl.nu/kmmk

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.

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(832): just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno. http://tfl.nu/xrvd

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(970): View more from Colorado

i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.

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(970): i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail. http://tfl.nu/p81z

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(443): View more from Maryland

we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.

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(443): we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it. http://tfl.nu/i4yi

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look

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(717): tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look http://tfl.nu/7aaf

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(952): View more from Minnesota

You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.

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(952): You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning. http://tfl.nu/mwji

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(847): View more from Illinois

All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.

(773): View more from Illinois

that bad?

(847): View more from Illinois

u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.

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(847): All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die. (773): that bad? (847): u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a. http://tfl.nu/aht0

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(906): View more from Michigan

Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today

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(906): Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today http://tfl.nu/n5yz

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions

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(717): I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions http://tfl.nu/aecl

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(631): View more from New York

I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"

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(631): I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good" http://tfl.nu/jrza

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(613): View more from Ontario

Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.

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(613): Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control. http://tfl.nu/w1lp

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(513): View more from Ohio

Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.

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(513): Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect. http://tfl.nu/ksxu

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(850): View more from Florida

For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.

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(850): For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot. http://tfl.nu/k004

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