How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
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It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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