so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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