Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize