I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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