the condom got lost in my hair
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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