yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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