dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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