Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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