We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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