Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
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She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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