dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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