Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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