Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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