I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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