jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Sober January is a disaster.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
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You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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