you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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