Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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