I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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