i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize