I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
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whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
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That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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