Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I intend to get homeless drunk
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It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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