Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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