I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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