and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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