We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
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As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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