he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize