If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
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My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
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I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
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