You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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