I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
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He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
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I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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