3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize