she woke up with a sticky ear
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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