His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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