I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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