i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize