I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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