you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize