What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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