dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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