Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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