i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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