You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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