If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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